Goodbye May Seem Forever
by Jirapan
Summary: Santana loves Rachel. Rachel is getting married to Quinn. Santana is invited. Brittany is angry with Quinn and Rachel. Car crash. Death. Confessions. Attempts. Love. All these play a factor on a sad love story that you will grow to love. Please read you won't regret it. M for language and plausible other things.
1. Death

"Rachel's getting married," Brittany muttered out. She was sitting with Santana in a small café in New York having lunch. Santana was about to take a drink from her coffee but stopped when she heard those words.

"What?" Santana whispered, she felt what was left of her heart shatter.

"She's getting married… next month she gave me an invitation to give to you last weekend," Brittany explained. Brittany reached into her purse and pulled out a small envelope that had Santana's name professionally printed on it. Santana grabbed it a looked inside of it pulling out a laminated card.

_We invite you to attend our wedding on May 25, 2013 _

_To support the bonding of _

_Rachel Barbra Berry_

_And_

_Lucy Quinn Fabray_

_The ceremony starts at 5:00 P.M. _

_We'd love for you to attend._

Santana set down the paper carefully and shut her eyes willing the tears to not fall. She's cried too much over Rachel already.

"Why would Quinn do this?" Santana muttered to herself, Brittany gave a sympathetic look and grabbed one of Santana's hands.

"Are you going to go?" Brittany asked. Santana looked at Brittany her eyes glazed over with unshed tears. She didn't want to, but she promised a long time ago.

"_**San," Rachel mumbled, Rachel was cuddled up against Santana watching the credits role to a musical. Santana's arm was gently laying over Rachels shoulders.**_

"_**Hmm?" Santana mumbled looking down to Rachel. Rachel looked up and Santana could feel her heart beat speed up rapidly. Santana loved this girl so much.**_

"_**You'll always be there for me… right?" Rachel asked innocently unaware of Santana's feelings.**_

"_**Of course Rach, nothing will ever stop me from being there for you," Santana replied confused. Rachel smiled and snuggled back into Santana. Santana tightened her hold on Rachel.**_

"_**Promise?" Rachel asked sleepily.**_

"_**I promise, with all my being a soul… I will never stop being there for you," Santana said her feelings showing, but what she didn't realize is that Rachel was already asleep.**_

"Of course… I promised Rachel I would always be there for her," Santana responded.

"But… won't it hurt you if you go?" Brittany asked concerned.

"Yeah, it might hurt like a bitch to see her getting married and kissing someone else, especially since the someone else was my best friend. But if Rachel is honestly happy with it then I don't care how I feel," Santana sighed while a few tears escaped her eyes. Brittany smiled sadly and for the first time she felt pure anger against a person… or two persons. Quinn and Rachel.

**Wedding day at the church**

Santana and Brittany walked in, Santana kept her head down walking down the aisle and sitting. She could feel all the other former Glee club members looking at her with pity and sympathy. They all knew how she felt about Rachel. Quinn, who was standing at the altar, kept her eyes on Santana and also knew how she felt about Rachel. Quinn felt a sharp pain of guilt hit her as she watched Brittany rub Santana's back whispering to her. Santana soon lifted her head and made eye contact with every single one of her friend who was looking at her, giving them a glare that made them turn. Finally her eyes met Quinn's and all Quinn could see from Santana's eyes was hurt and sadness. Quinn looked away quickly and took a deep breath. She looked back and saw Santana's head down again but was met with a hard glare from Brittany and Quinn could swear she had never felt such hatred towards her before. The wedding march started playing and everything went dead silent. Santana lifted her head and watched the love of her life walk down the aisle with a bright smile that made Santana's heart ache and skip a beat. The preacher said the usual words.

"Is there any objections to these two women to be married?" he asked looking up and scanning the crowd. Quinn and Rachel both glanced towards Santana. Santana had put her head back down and her hands were balled up in fists. Brittany reached over and grabbed her hands and looked up at Quinn and Rachel. After a few moments of silence the preacher went on. Santana blocked everything out and kept her head down.

**After wedding party**

"Santana! I'm so glad you could make it!" Rachel said excitedly hugging her.

"I told you I would always be there for you," Santana replied hugging her tightly back. Rachel pulled away and looked at her confused and was about to say something but Quinn walked up.

"Santana… may I speak to you?" Quinn asked. Santana looked at her and nodded stiffly. Brittany decided this was the time to grab Rachel and take her to the dance floor.

"What do you need Quinn?" Santana asked harshly, Quinn flinched and sighed.

"Santana please don't be like that," Quinn begged.

"Be like Quinn? How else am I supposed to act? You know how I feel about Rachel, for years you knew and you come and pull this fucking shit it's ridiculous. How can you do that me? We were best friends I don't understand what made you think this was a good idea or what made you think that this wouldn't kill me inside," Santana yelled. Quinn felt her heart clench painfully.

"I did this because I love her. I wasn't going to sit back and let her get taken away by someone else like you did Santana, I hope we can move passed this," Quinn whispered angrily.

"No Quinn we can't. I will never be able to stand seeing you touch her or kiss her. I will never move passed this. Now leave me alone… forever Quinn I only came her because I promised Rachel I would be there for her forever," Santana whispered. Quinn watched as Santana's exterior break and a few tears slipped past her eye lids.

"Quinn! Come and dance with me!" Rachel said grabbing Quinn and pulling her away. Brittany walked up to Santana and hugged her. A slow song came one and Rachel dance with Quinn, grinning happily before looking over to Santana who she was crying. Rachel's brows furrowed confused while she watched the exchange between the two best friends.

"I can't do this anymore Britt I can't I have to leave," Santana sobbed. The glee members that were there were also watching the exchanged with sadden faces and hurting hearts.

"Okay we can leave," Brittany said softly.

"No you stay have fun, I just want to be alone right now," Santana rasped out. Brittany nodded rubbing her back. Santana started leaving before stopping. "Britt," Santana said softly but Brittany heard.

"Yeah?"

"Tell Rachel goodbye for me," Santana said before walking to the door. Santana turned her head when she got to the door and met Rachel's confused brown eyes. Rachel saw the hurt and sadness in Santana's eyes while she watched tears slip down her face. Santana gave Rachel a soft sad smiled before walking out. Rachel's flicked her eyes to Brittany who was watching the door sadly and then she turned to meet Rachel's gaze. Rachel could see the anger, but also guilt and sadness in her eyes before she walked the other way.

Santana jumped into her car and slammed the door shut before she let our rough, wet sobs come out. Santana broke down completely. She reached over into her glove compartment and pulling out a piece of paper and a pen. She started scribbling down words on it. After she finished her sobs had calmed down to little hiccups. Santana opened the middle compartment and pulled out a black velvet box that held an engagement ring and thought back to the night that shattered her heart.

_**Santana woke up to an empty bed next to her and she immediately was confused as to where Rachel could have gone. They had been dating for a year and Santana last night had bought an engagement ring for their anniversary. Santana walked down to see Rachel silently crying at the island counter.**_

"_**Rach? What's wrong?" Santana asked coming over to her.**_

"_**I don't think this is working Santana," Rachel said softly looking up. Santana felt her heart freeze at the words and she stopping walking. Behind her back she was gripping the box tightly till her knuckles turned white.**_

"_**What do you mean?" Santana asked hoarsely.**_

"_**Us… I don't think us being a couple is good for our relationship," Rachel cried. Santana's brow furrowed in confusion.**_

"_**What… I don't understand what happened," Santana blurted out. Rachel walked over to Santana and brought her hand up to Santana's cheek.**_

"_**I love you Santana," Rachel breathed out. Santana cocked her head to the side not understanding the conversation at hand.**_

"_**Rachel… I don't.." Santana started but was cut off.**_

"_**And I think it's better we stay friends before this romantic relationship ruins our whole relationship," Rachel continued. Santana felt her heart clench at the words.**_

"_**You're breaking up with me," Santana whispered, tears glazed over her eyes.**_

"_**I'm sorry but I don't think this is working… do you understand?" Rachel asked hope in her eyes. Santana numbly nodded before Rachel pulled her into a tight embrace. "Thank you… you were wonderful; you will still be there for me right?" Rachel asked softly.**_

"_**Of course," Santana choked out. Rachel pulled back and gave her a small smile before leaving one last peck on her lip and walked out the door. Once Santana heard the car drive away she fell to her knees and broke down in the heavy sobs until Brittany came over and found her there.**_

Santana shook her head and drove out of the parking lot gripping the piece of paper and box in her hand. She stopped at a red light a continued to take in shaky breaths. She was able to calm down her sobs but her crying was an endless flow. The light turned green and Santana started forward before she saw big bright lights shine through her window. Santana turned and looked over before she saw a large front of a semi ram into her car on the driver's side.

**The next morning**

"Hello?" Rachel answered her cell phone. She was currently in the kitchen pouring coffee when her phone rang; Quinn was currently in the shower.

"R-Rachel?" asked the voice, it had a Spanish accent attached to it.

"Mrs. Lopez? What a wonderful surprise," Rachel said; she heard a quiet cry on the other side, "is everything okay?" Rachel asked softly and concerned.

"Santana she… she," Maribel couldn't continue as another sob came from her mouth.

"What about Santana? Is she alright?" Rachel asked panicking.

"She was in a… a car crash last night," a male voice said.

"Mr. Lopez!... is- si she alright?" Rachel asked.

"No, she died from it," he replied calmly. Rachel felt her world stp and felt an unbearable pain run through her body.

"What?" Rachel whispered.

"We'd like for you to come to the hospital morgue, it's important. We've already called Brittany and she's on her way here. I know that you and Santana were close," Mr. Lopez continues.

"Yes… um yes I'll be there shortly," Rachel pulled the phone away from her ear. She pressed end and started at it. Quinn came down and saw tears streaming down Rachel's face and her staring at the phone.

"Rach? Oh my God honey what's wrong?" Quinn asked concerned while she jogged over.

"Santana," Rachel murmured.

"What about her? Did she call and say something to you?" Quinn asked getting slightly angry.

"She died last night," Rachel whispered and looked up to Quinn. Quinn felt her heart snap and her blood run cold.

"Excuse me?" Quinn asked.

"Her parents want me down at the hospital it's important I have to go," Rachel muttered, her voice like a robots.

"I'll go with you," Quinn said quickly and followed Rachel out of the house.

**Morgue**

Rachel and Quinn exited out of the elevator slowly and saw Maribel and Antonio Lopez standing there with a crying Brittany.

"Ah Rachel and Quinn thank you for coming," Antonio said smiling sadly. Rachel returned it the best she could they stopped in front of the doors to the morgue, Rachel glanced to the side and saw a body laid, covered by a thin sheet. She quickly looked away and back to the three people in front of her. She was met with an angry glare from Brittany.

"I blame you," Brittany spat out, Rachel flinched at the force that was emitting off Brittany, "but I don't… I can't hate you because Santana wouldn't want that," Brittany's voice lowered sadly.

"Rachel, we were about to enter, please join us… you too Quinn," Antonio said. The two girls nodded and followed into the room where the coroner was now waiting. The brisk cold air hit them all harshly; Rachel wrapped her arms around herself and stopped at the foot of the autopsy table. In the corner was a police man who was on the scene of the incident with a sad look on his face. He walked forward and took a deep breath.

"I'm officer…. I'm James I was on the scene of the accident, would you like me to tell you what happened?" he asked softly and politely.

"Yes," Maribel said quietly.

"Well, from traffic camera we were able to gather, and from testing, that this was a drunk driving accident. Your daughter was not the one at fault here. The camera's showed that she was sitting at a red light, and when it turned green she started crossing the intersection when a semi came barreling towards the driver's side and ran into her, running their own red light. She… there was really nothing she or anyone could have done to prevent this except if the driver of the semi not being drunk. When I got there her side of the car was totaled… she was still alive, but barely. I tried to keep her talking and awake but she only kept whispering a name and saying sorry," James said.

"What was the name?" Maribel asked.

"Um… Rachel I do believe," he replied. Rachel felt her heart break; a tight pain ran from her chest throughout her whole body. Her throat constricted tightly and everything on the outside felt completely numb. "I'm sorry for your loss, since her car is newer OnStar did call emergency services and recorded the conversation after the wreck which we are happy to let you listen to it," he said.

"Thank you, we will do that," Antonio answered since Maribel was in another fit of tears. James nodded and walked out quickly. Everyone turned their attention to the coroner.

"I'm Michale, would you like me to tell you about her death," he asked in a robotic voice, you could tell he's done this many times but there was still a hint of sympathy. Antonio and Maribel nodded simultaneously. "Her death was painless; the impact severed her spine which cut off all feeling in the nerves. Her body was surprisingly undamaged either than a few internal wounds and some bruises and cuts. I don't know if this is very relevant but she… she was crying before she passed. I am also very sorry for your loss, she was a very healthy young woman who I am sure had quite a future ahead of her, but some pointless thing suck as driving drunk took away that chance," he muttered the ending to himself.

"Thank you," Antonio whispered painfully under his breath. They all started walking out before the corner stopped them.

"If you'd like to see her one last time before her body is cremated this would be a time to do it. My team and I tried our best to clean her up and she was clutching a couple things that I'm sure you'd like returned. They were clamped in her hands so whatever these were, they seemed very important to her," Michale said. They all turned back.

"Yes, that would be nice… I would like to see my baby's face one last time," Maribel said. They walked towards the table and Michale gripped the top of the sheet.

"Ready?" Michale said Maribel and Antonio nodded; Michel pulled the sheet back gently and revealed a very peaceful, very pale Santana. Brittany choked on a sob and Rachel's hand flew to her mouth to cover a gasp. There was a large bruise on the left of Santana's face and cuts all of it. Her once tan skin had a sickening pallor to it that made Quinn's stomach churn. "Here are these," Michale said holding out a velvet box and a scrunched up not. Maribel took them from his hands and looked at the piece of paper. Her eyes took in a sad shine and looked up to Rachel.

"Rachel honey, these are for you," Maribel said gently, Rachel looked at her shocked and slowly took the paper from her hands. Rachel's hands shook while she slowly looked down to see what was written on it.

_Rachel,_

_I don't know what I'm doing right now. All I know is I feel this tightness in my chest and it feels like it's killing me. I never understood why you broke things off with us, I thought we were happy. All these years I have been asking myself what the fuck I did wrong… sorry I'm just upset right now. But did I do something wrong? Did I not make you feel happy? Did I not give you enough? I'm sorry if I did something wrong, but all I want right now is for you to be with me… to love me again…. What did I do wrong? I feel like shit right now. That day you broke things off, our one year anniversary, I was going to propose to you, you know. Well I guess you'll never know because you'll never see this. I all I know is I have to support you and make sure you're happy. And if being with Quinn is the answer to that, then so be it. God I hate it so much, watching you two be together is like I'm getting stabbed in the heart repeatedly and then a twist for good measure. And it sucks. But you're my best friend and I promised I would always be there for you no matter what happened. And it's the truth, even if I'm hundreds of thousands miles away from you. Shit I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I have no future without you. Fuck I wish I didn't mess us up. I wish there was something I could do. _

_I love you,_

_Santana_

Rachel had tears pouring down her face after she was done reading it. Her tears making new tears stains on the paper, joining Santanas; Rachel looked up at the velvet box that Maribel was holding out for her to take. Rachel brought her shaky hand up to it slowly and gently picked it up from Maribel's hand as if it was going to break. Rachel opened it and there was the engagement ring. A single diamond heart in the middle with a few smaller ones surrounding it; Rachel carefully pulled it out, she heard Quinn and Brittany gasp at her side, but she ignored them. On the back was an engraving.

_You will always have my heart – S_

Rachel smiled at the ring and put it to her heart, squeezing it. She looked at Santana's peaceful face.

"I love it," she whispered to her gently. Rachel put the ring back into the box and was about to hand it to Maribel but she shook her head.

"Keep it, she bought it for you and would want you to have it," Maribel said. Rachel silently thanked her and put the box into her coat pocket along with the note.

"May… may I have a few moments with her? Please," Rachel asked quietly. Maribel and Antonio nodded.

"Girls, join us, Rachel we'll be right up the elevator waiting," Antonio said. Brittany followed immediately and Quinn gave Rachel a lingering look as if to say 'are you sure'. Rachel smiled at her and nodded. Michale told Rachel to take her time and walked back into his office closing the door. Rachel walked around to the right side of Santana's head and smiled at her.

"You know… you are the most stubborn person I have ever met Santana. You always fought with me on the littlest things, especially back in high school. But… I want you to know that you did absolutely nothing wrong. You are the most perfect person in this world, caring, strong and brave and you always speak your mind. You finally said it… or wrote it down. You never did when we were together so I thought that… that you never loved me. That's why I broke it off. God… if only I could hear those words come out of your mouth. I love you too… so much and I will never ever stop and I am so sorry that I hurt you. Nothing I say or do will bring you back into my arms and all I want to do right now is let you know how much I love you and how sorry I am. But… but I'll never get that chance cause you're… in some better place, singing probably and giving smart remarks," Rachel let out a sob, but quickly composed herself, "I love you San… and yes… I would have married you in a heartbeat. Goodbye Santana," Rachel cried, slowly she leant over and placed a gentle, one last kiss on her lips before pulling back. Rachel smiled through her tears and pulled the sheet back over Santana's head, looking at her loves face one last time.

Rachel left the morgue and got into the elevator, wiping her tears from her face.

"_**Will you stop that already!" Santana yelled out frustrated. Rachel had her face in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably.**_

"_**I can't and I don't want to!" Rachel yelled back, she heard Santana let out a frustrated growl and walk over to her. Santana crouched down in front of Rachel and grasped Rachel's wrists.**_

"_**Berry let go of your face," Santana commanded.**_

"_**No," Rachel cried. After a few minutes Santana spoke up again.**_

"_**Please Rachel… please stop crying and let me look at you," Santana's voice begged, Rachel looked up from her hands to see Santana's face. Rachel was surprised by the amount of sadness in Santana's eyes. "Please don't cry anymore… I hate it when you cry, do anything else but just please don't cry anymore," Santana whispered. **_

Rachel was snapped out of the flashback when she heard the elevator ding. She walked out to see Antonio waiting there.

"Everything okay?' he asked.

"No, but it will be," Rachel breathed. Antonio smiled at her and grabbed her hand leading her to a staff only room. When they entered everyone turned their head to them. Rachel walked silently over to Quinn and sat next to her.

"Are you sure you want to hear this?" James asked one last final time.

"Yes," Rachel answered, surprising everyone. James nodded and pressed play, at first they heard what sounded like sparks going off before the heard a woman's voice.

"_Miss? We have just been informed you were in a car accident, are you harmed?... Miss are you there, if you are please talk to me, emergency vehicles are on their way to help you…. Miss please say something to inform me that you are alive…. Miss?"_

_Sirens could be heard now, they got closer and closer till they heard doors slam shut. James's voice came over now._

"_Miss? Are you okay? We need the Jaws of Life over here now! Miss can you please tell me you name?"  
They heard a small whisper. "Stay with me ma'am we'll get you out of there in no time," James continued tried getting to her until they heard a soft whisper._

"_R… Rachel" _

Rachel was fighting tears again, and continued to listen carefully.

"_That's it miss, keep talking is that your name? Rachel?"_

"_R-Rae… chel… s-sorry I'm sorry, I-I" Santana's speaking was interrupted by her coughing, "love you…" Santana breathed out her final breath._

"_Miss? Miss? We need her out of there now! She's not breathing. I don-" click_

Rachel's hands were covering her face. She heard it, she heard Santana say the words she had waited for, for so long. She vaguely heard Antonio say thank you and walked out with Maribel. After a few minutes Rachel composed herself.

"Are you okay?" Quinn asked softly. Rachel nodded, Brittany started heading towards the door, when she opened it she spoke.

"Santana wanted me to tell you something last night, I forgot about it till now," Brittany said turning to look at Rachel who was now looking at her.

"What?"

"Goodbye, Rachel."

**So did I make ya cry? I know I did writing this and visualizing it. It was an idea that popped in my head, but it ain't over yet I still have a few things to add, but I just thought that would be a good ending to it. Please review and tell me what you think, and I'm going to do the past stuff from Rachel's perspective so you know why she broke things off. There will be a funeral sequence, and a attempt to suicide sequence, and then a chapter where the three girls duke it out because obviously Brittany is pissed at them. And then a small epilogue; I am almost positive that these extra chapters won't be as long, but it will be enough.**


	2. Dreams

It's been a week… and today is Santana's funeral. Rachel has been locked in her room the whole time, only coming out to go to the bathroom.

"Rachel, you can't be blaming yourself for this. It isn't your fault," Quinn said to her one time.

"I broke her heart… it was our wedding that she attended Quinn, how is it not my fault?" Rachel cried.

"It's not your fault because you weren't the drunk driver that ran into her," Quinn said and walked out of the room.

"Rachel you ready to go?" Rachel heard Quinn call from outside of the door. Rachel sat staring at her reflection. This wasn't supposed to be happening… Rachel wasn't supposed to be going to the love of her life's funeral.

"Yeah," Rachel called back and stood. She walked out and passed Quinn. Quinn sighed and followed suit. They entered the car and drove silently to the funeral. When they arrived all of their friends and former teachers were there. All the glee clubbers sat silently with their heads bowed. Brittany was talking quietly with Santana's parents. Will and Emma were holding one another's hands tightly while Emma rocked their child it her other arm. Sue was sat in the back with a stony and Beiste was beside her crying. Holly under a tree talking with Figgins. They walked up to the group and sat in their seats. They got multiple glares and looks of sympathy. The ceremony went on and by the end everyone was crying while a small slide show of Santana's best pictures rolled through. Quinn sighed and wiped away some of her tears and looked at hers and Rachel's interlocked hands. She noticed that instead of their wedding band on Rachel's ring finger she was wearing Santana's engagement ring. Quinn closed her eyes when she felt a small shot of jealousy and anger goes through her. She opened her eyes, stood and walked away to talk with some of their friends who don't totally hate her. Rachel stayed sitting and watched the slide show run through and she couldn't help but think of their duet together in Glee club.

Rachel stood and walked away.

Later that night Quinn felt Rachel shift and turn uncontrollably. Rachel was dreaming.

"_Hello?" Rachel called out to the hite nothingness, "is there anyone here?" Rachel asked and looked around._

"_Rachel?" Rachel turned towards the heavenly voice she missed so much._

"_Santana?" Rachel asked back and saw her emerge from the white backdrop. Santana smiled and walked towards her. Rachel ran towards her and hugged her tightly._

"_Hey," Santana murmured into Rachel's neck._

"_I miss you so much San," Rachel cried. Santana brought her hands around Rachel's body and squeezed her body tight._

"_I miss you too," Santana said back._

"_What are you doing here? What's going on?" Rachel asked when she pulled back and look into Santana's deep brown eyes._

"_You're dreaming… and I really wanted to talk to you," Santana said._

"_Dreaming? But… I want this to be real," Rachel muttered, her eyes glistening with tears. Santana wiped away a tear that escaped and smiled sadly._

"_I wish this were real too… I love you so much Rache," Santana said softly and cupped Rachel's cheek. Rachel's eyes closed and nuzzled into Santana's hand._

"_Why did you leave?" Rachel asked quietly._

"_I wasn't planning on leaving, but I guess things happen for a reason huh?" Santana laughed slightly._

"_Whatever reason there was to take you away from me… I don't appreciate it," Rachel grumbled making Santana chuckle._

"_Neither do I," Santana said. Rachel opened her eyes and gazed into Santana's. Without hesitation she leaned in and a gave Santana a long lingering kiss in her lips, making Santana hum contently. When she pulled away she rested her forehead._

"_Please don't leave me,' Rachel whimpered._

"_Mi Estrella… I'm always with you, even if you can't see me," Santana whispered, trying to sooth her love._

"_No, I need you there. I want to wake up to your peaceful sleeping face. To hug you when I'm sad, hear you laugh… kiss you when you get home and make love to you every night. I want you there," Rachel cried. Santana smiled sadly and pecked her lips._

"_I'm never far… you just have to dream of me. I love you mi Amor," Santana said softly._

Quinn woke up from a particular hard kick from Rachel and looked at her, prepared to comfort her from a bad dream but instead she saw Rachel crying and smiling softly.

"Thank you… Santana," Quinn whispered and looked up to the ceiling.


	3. Attempt

"Rachel what are you doing?"

"No wait stop!"

"Please, please be okay,"

"_Why did you do that Rachel?" Santana asked, Rachel flinched and looked towards her love._

"_I- I wanted to be with you," Rachel muttered. Santana smiled and shook her head._

"_You will be with me, in time… in your own time. Please don't hurt yourself for me. Don't put our friends through another death, they can't handle it. And if you don't want to do it for them then please do it for me. Keep living for me… for the both of us," Santana pleaded and walked over to Rachel giving her a soft kiss._

"_Okay," Rachel whimpered._

"_Okay?"_

"_Yes, okay."_

"Oh thank god your alive, you scared me so fucking badly Rachel you can't do that!" Quinn cried. Rachel smiled sadly and nodded.

"I'm sorry," Rachel muttered and looked around. She was lain on the couch of their house and Brittany was sitting in the chair across from them.

"I thought everything was going okay, I mean you stopped having nightmares, I counted more than one time you smiling in your sleep, what happened?" Quinn asked softer now.

"I- I just wanted to be with Santana again," Rachel sighed and sat up.

"What happened?" Brittany spoke up, Quinn and Rachel looked to her.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"What made you break up with Santana? I remember her coming to my apartment crying, saying you broke up with her for no reason. I want to know the reason," Brittany said.

"It's a long story," I answer her.

"I've got plenty of time to kill," Brittany quipped. Rachel sighed.

"Fine,"

_Flashback_

_Rachel was laid next to Santana, she woke up before he like always and admired Santana's sleeping face. Today was their one year anniversary. Everything had so far been perfect with mild fights in between. Santana's phone vibrated, and not wanting it to wake up her sleeping girlfriend, Rachel reached over and grabbed the phone, unlocking it so she could turn off the vibrate. What she wasn't expecting was a text to pop up. Rachel's heart stopped when she read the text._

_From Dad:_

_Mija I found the perfect girl for you. She has just graduated from medical school and is now a surgeon. She's perfect for you, she's beautiful and blonde and she makes quite the bit of money. You could live such comfortable lives with your income and hers combined. I know you are dating that Berry girl, but you must think of your future and the future of your kids. She does very small plays and isn't even on Broadway. You can't be expected to carry the family on your salary alone. Please think about it Mija, I'm thinking of what's best for you. I love you very much._

_Rachel had no idea what to think. He was right; she hasn't landed a true Broadway role, and all the money she makes from her coffee shop job on extra classes. Rachel looked at Santana, her peaceful face and thought about their future. It wasn't fair to Santana to be paying for everything like their apartment, food, car payments. Rachel heart hurt painfully at this realization. She wasn't good for Santana or at least no good enough. She did deserve more after everything they've been through this whole year. Rachel let out silent tears and deleted the message so Santana didn't have to see. It was best for them to break up now, and then continue down this road._

_End_

"That's the most bullshittiest lie I have ever heard Rachel," Brittany said after she was done, "you knew that Santana wouldn't have been happy with anyone else but you. She didn't even go out with anyone after you broke up. You destroyed her ability to love Rachel," Brittany said coldly.

"At the time that's how I felt! It was a mistake and I really can't do much about it no because she's dead! The love of my life is dead and it's my fault I get it!" Rachel screamed, tears were streaming down her face, Brittany look at shocked. "Have you even thought about how I feel? How I feel about everything that has happened!" Rachel cried. Brittany closed her eyes and sighed. Santana would be so disappointed in her… she blamed Rachel when she knew Santana would disapprove, she would be really angry about her making Rachel cry. Brittany stood up and walked over to her; Quinn tensed and put a protective arm around Rachel's waist. Brittany looked at Quinn before crouching in front of Rachel. Brittany put her arms around Rachel and pulled her in a hug.

"I'm sorry, you're right I never once thought about what you were going through. I lost my best friend, and I was angry so I took it out on you," Brittany whispered and held Rachel close while she sobbed.

_Santana… why did you have to leave us?_


End file.
